


Snowman of My Heart

by Blue_Flames



Series: 15 Day Challenges [4]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 15DaysChallenge, Developing Relationship, Injury, Loneliness, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Some Fluff, Unresolved Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-04-22 16:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Flames/pseuds/Blue_Flames
Summary: It'll be kind of gloomy gloomy without you. That's what happens when the sunshine goes away ~ A.A. Milne, Winnie the PoohMy 15 Day challenge around a theme
Relationships: Javier Fernández & Yuzuru Hanyu, Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: 15 Day Challenges [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1372339
Comments: 13
Kudos: 41





	Snowman of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this, but I hope you all enjoy my story focused around the theme of "Snowman". This is a fic sort of exploring one aspect of their relationship, and I hope you all enjoy it! Come and listen to me ramble on Twitter or chat to me in the comments (I promise I will get around to replying to them soon I swear!)  
Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you enjoy it xxx

_It'll be kind of gloomy gloomy without you. That's what happens when the sunshine goes away ~ A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh_

January, 2013

Curled up under his blanket in the apartment he and his mother lived in when they were in Toronto, half hiding from the world, was the eighteen-year-old, newly crowned Japanese National Champion Yuzuru Hanyu. He'd arrived back from Japan only a few days before, ready to start training for Four Continents, but Brian had told him to take a little time off after Nationals to rest up. And then it had started snowing when he had tried to go for a walk; the soft white flakes had caught in his dark hair as soon as he'd tried to step outside, and so he'd holed himself up in his room. The motivation to do anything remotely fun was gone, sapped from him, by the influx of negative messages he'd received since Nationals.

_Daisuke is our Champion_

The chant went through his head almost like clockwork: a toxic mantra that he couldn't get rid of that bounced around his head non stop. Hugging Pooh-san close to his chest and to his tummy, he curled up tighter under his blanket to hide from everything.

"Yuzuru," he poked his head out from under the duvet to see his mother standing in the doorway, "there's someone at the door for you."

"No," Yuzuru threw the blanket back over the top of his head to become a blanket burrito again, "not coming out. Don't want to. Don't want to see anyone."

Having none of it, his mother ripped the blanket off him and held it out of his reach as he screeched and whined, trying to grab it.

"Don't want to see anyone!"

"Stop whining at me," she rolled her eyes, "and get out of bed. It's Javier at the door for you. Not your coaches, but Javier."

Curiosity got the better of him, and Yuzuru pulled himself out of his bed. Wearing grey sweatpants and an oversized black jumper, he pulled on his glasses before he and Pooh-san left the safety of his room to head into the kitchen and dining area. Sitting at their dining table on one of their wooden chairs was Javier, wearing a soft grey jumper that Yuzuru had seen him in before; he'd taken off his coat and put it over the back of his chair. Holding his pooh tissue box like a child holding a plushie to their chest, he carefully approached the other.

"Hi Yuzu!" Javier said brightly, speaking a little slower than he normally would so that Yuzuru could understand the English. "How are you?"

"Fine," Yuzuru mumbled, trying to end the conversation. His mother shot him a firm glare, and Javier clearly didn't take the hint.

"I was thinking, cause it's snowing, why don't we go and build a snowman together! You know, as a nice way to use our days off."

"Was studying."

"No you were not." His mother cut in, glaring at him, "It'll be fun Yuzuru."

With Javier's bright smile and enthusiasm, Yuzuru didn't have it in him to say no. Trudging back to his room, he put Pooh-san down on his chest of drawers before he dug out his coat from the wardrobe, picked up his black hat, scarf, and gloves, and pulled them all on before he sat down by the door and tugged off his slippers, replacing them with one of his favourite pairs of trainers. Javier helped him up and, with a little smile and a promise to text his mother, they headed out into the snow.

"I know a good park where we can build one," Javier said idly as they walked together, making a little chit chat, "and then we can leave it there and hopefully inspire others to make one!"

Yuzuru nodded, keeping quiet as they walked into the park. Javier helped him make a snowball to start rolling bigger and bigger. They both started making one, rolling them around the place in comfortable silence. They moved around each other like they were in an intricate dance. Eventually, they got together and stopped, comparing the sizes of the two snowballs that they had made.

"Yours bigger." Yuzuru said with a little sigh.

"So lets get yours on top," Javier nodded, and he and Yuzuru lifted the ball between them on top of the other one, "now we need eyes, nose, a mouth, and some arms. Maybe some buttons."

Digging around the park, they found a couple of sticks to use as arms and they broke off little twig sections to make eyes, a nose, and a mouth. They stepped back to admire their handiwork and both of them smiled.

"We made a good snowman." Javier said with a grin. "Now come on. Let's get you home, okay?"

Yuzuru nodded, and Javier looped an arm around his shoulders, guiding him towards the entrance of the park and Yuzuru's home.

January, 2014

"Good work guys," Brian said to Yuzuru and Javier as the pair stepped off the ice at the same time. With the Olympics looming, Yuzuru was hyper focused on his one goal. He'd turned down the Four Continents spot so that he could focus everything he had on the Olympics and his Olympic dream. In Brian's opinion, he was a little too focused, "take care, and I'll see you both on Monday!"

Sitting on the bench in the locker room together, Yuzuru and Javier cleaned up their skates together in a silence that had tension thick in the air. Yuzuru checked his phone, after getting changed, and groaned, breaking the silence.

"What's up?" Javier asked with a raised eyebrow, "Everything okay?"

"Mum is going to be late because of the snow," Yuzuru mumbled, rubbing at his forehead.

Javier elbowed him lightly in the side. "Well, why don't we have some fun, huh? I can walk to the metro station any time, so I might as well stay with you and keep you entertained."

"What do you have in mind?" Yuzuru asked.

"Why don't we build a snowman together?"

And so, when Yuzuru's mother finally managed to get to the club through the snow, she found Yuzuru and Javier dashing around just outside the entrance, tossing snowballs at each other and giggling. Beside the entrance was another snowman, decorated with Yuzuru's hat and Javier's scarf. She watched the pair of them running around for a minute; Yuzuru let out a squeal as Javier caught him right on the ass with a snowball. As revenge, Yuzuru caught Javier right in his face with a snowball. Eventually, exhaustion overtook them both and they flopped down together on the front steps of the Cricket Club, giggling together.

"Thank you Javi," Yuzuru nudged him lightly with his shoulder, "for distracting me and entertaining me."

"You're welcome," Javier nudged him with his shoulder back, "You've been focusing so much on the Olympics recently, so I think you need to relax a little. I hope this helped."

"So much," Yuzuru nodded before he caught sight of his mother's car in the car park, "Ah... Bye Javi! Mum is here. See you on Monday!"

"Bye!" Javier waved, watching him go as he all but bounced across the car park and into his mum's black car.

January 2015

Javier sat on the steps of the Toronto Cricket, Curling and Skating Club with a little sigh as he looked up at the sky. Snow fell thickly down onto him, catching in his curls and on his long eyelashes before he pulled his knees up to his chest and held onto them. It felt wrong to be alone, but Yuzuru was still in Japan recovering from his abdominal surgery. He'd sent some get well soon messages, but had heard nothing back.

_I guess he doesn't want to be bothered_ Javier thought as he ran his fingers lightly through the soft snow that was falling around him.

"You're early today Javi," he looked up to see Tracy standing in front of him with half a smile, "is everything alright?"

"I'm fine," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head before he went back to looking at the snow. He didn't look up, but he felt Tracy sitting down next to him and he felt her place an arm around his shoulders, "I just miss Yuzuru."

"Oh sweetheart," she patted his shoulders, "I miss him too. And Brian misses him. And everyone here misses him. And we're all here for you Javi, okay? You know you can talk to us about anything."

"Last year," Javier cut in quietly, "Yuzuru and I... Last year we were here. His mum was late, you know, and we... We made a snowman together. To pass the time." He half smiled, looking back up at the snow falling around him, "It was fun. I think he enjoyed it, a little time to take his mind off everything going on. To just... be Yuzuru, not Yuzuru Hanyu."

Tracy nodded, listening patiently to everything Javier had to say, and, when he was done, she patted his shoulder lightly. "You're a very good friend Javi. Friends like you are very hard to find: friends who listen, friends who don't really hold grudges, friends who are kind, generous, loving, and fun. Yuzuru needs friends like you."

Javier sighed, rubbing his forehead with a little groan. "Feels weird to be training for Europeans without him. He will be back to train for Worlds, right?"

"He should be back," Tracy nodded, patting Javier's shoulder, "you miss building a snowman, don't you?"

"Kind of," he said softly, earning a little giggle from Tracy. "What's so funny?"

"Oh Javier, you're so sweet and funny. I'll tell Nam to come and build a snowman with you, okay?"

And so, standing happily outside of the Cricket Club at the end of the day, was a slightly lopsided snowman with Javier's scarf on it but no hat. When Javier walked past, his heart hurt slightly.

_Yuzuru, have you built a snowman in Japan? Or are you still in hospital? Please, please message me._

His phone pinged and Javier glanced down, heart fluttering lightly.

_Yuzu: I'm recovering slowly. Hope everything is okay with you in Toronto. I miss all of you_

_Yuzu: Sorry we can't build a snowman this year. We'll have to build two next year_

_Javi: I'll hold you to that. I hope you recover soon, and I can't wait to see you again_

_Yuzu: Can't wait to see you too. Hope you had a good Christmas and enjoyed Spain_

_Yuzu: Good luck for Europeans_

_Javi: Thanks so much Yuzuru :D_

With a small smile, Javier tucked his phone in his pocket and headed towards the metro with a warm, fuzzy feeling in the pit of his tummy.

January 2016

Yuzuru typed away on his laptop, writing up his latest university assignment ready for submission. One of his tutors had asked him to write up how he felt during his record breaking skates at the NHK Trophy and Grand Prix Final, but the elation Yuzuru had felt during those moments, the peace and the freedom that those skates had given him, was gone. Instead it was replaced with a feeling of unease that had gnawed at the pit of his stomach since the start of the season. Pulling his left foot up onto his lap, he adjusted the ice pack on it and wrinkled his nose with another groan. It had hurt since the start of the season, just a little niggle that he really thought he could ignore until it got so much worse just a few days earlier. Still, as the National Champion it was his duty to defend Japan's two Worlds spots and gain them another one, a third one, for the 2017 competition. And really, if he was being honest, he wanted to get his world title back from Javier. Yes, he liked the other, but they were competitors at the end of the day. And he liked to win. But the little spark of the niggle had been fanned into flames of pain that burst through his foot whenever he took a step. He'd regretfully withdrawn from the Four Continents Championship just so that he didn't make the pain too much worse before Worlds; Worlds was the important competition of the season for him.

Still, for now he had to just try and get through each and every day. He and Brian had already talked through changing the second quad toe to a quad salchow in the free just to ease some of the pain in his foot, and Kikuchi and his mother were just doing their best to help him get through Worlds safely. Then he would properly worry about his foot.

Interrupting his train of thought and his failed attempts at writing his assignment was the sharp knocking on their apartment door. His mother was out; she'd gone food shopping and Yuzuru knew she wouldn't be back for ages. Curiosity got the better of him and he set the ice pack on his desk, closed his laptop, and headed downstairs. Before he opened the door, he could tell exactly who it was from the silhouette through the frosted glass of the front door.

"Javi?" He asked softly as he opened up the door and let the other in with a confused smile, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, silly," Javier elbowed him lightly, "cause you've been so.... distant recently. Is your university work getting to you? Do you need something to help you relax?"

"What do you have in mind?" Yuzuru tilted his head at the other, sitting down next to him on one of the sodas.

"I think I have the perfect idea for what you can do to take your mind off everything."

Yuzuru met Javier's eyes and both of them giggled. Yuzuru rushed off to his room and pulled on his hat, scarf, gloves, and coat before he came down and changed his slippers to his trainers again. Javier's sunshine smile warmed him up as they stepped out together, out of the warmth of the apartment and into the cold of the Toronto winter. In their almost ever present but always comfortable silence, they walked back to the park where they'd first built a snowman together four years ago. Each with a smile, they immediately started to form the balls of snow to be the body and the head. They assembled them again in silence and admired their handiwork, leaning against each other with Javier almost unconsciously putting his arm around Yuzuru's waist. They stood together, smiling as the snow started to swirl around them, falling delicately in the wind. When it started to get darker, Javier again walked Yuzuru home and politely declined dinner at the Hanyu household.

"Thank you for a lovely day Javi," Yuzuru said with a little grin, "thank you."

January 2017

Having just recovered from his flu, Yuzuru's mother insisted on wrapping him up in about eight hundred layers of clothing whenever he left the safety and comfort of their apartment or enveloping him in a hundred blankets when he was at home. After being selected for the Four Continents Championships as well as the World Championships, and having his mistake ridden record for the season so far, Yuzuru had been pushing himself as soon as he was in Canada. Brian and his mother had obviously been talking, and so Yuzuru had been confined to their sofa for a few days to "get proper rest" according to Brian.

But Yuzuru Hanyu didn't really do rest. He'd had enough resting with his surgery and his recovery from his Lisfranc ligament damage from last season, and he was itching to get back to doing something other than resting. Plus, it was Four Continents. He'd never won there before, only silvers, and they were back when silver was an acceptable result for him. Now, though, now it was gold or he felt so disappointed in himself. He had to win Four Continents. He had to. He--

"Ah," his mother smiled at him as the doorbell rang, "that'll be Javi."

"Javi?" Yuzuru asked with a little tilt of his head to the side, "What's Javi doing here?"

"I asked him to come over of course," his mother said with a very knowing smile, "because you've been so... hyper focused again, and he's very good at calming you down and making you happy. So I asked him to come over and do something fun with you for the afternoon."

"Mum!" Yuzuru whined, "I'm too old for you to organise basically play dates for me! I'm twenty two years old!"

"And you still act like you're two most of the time," she teased him before she pushed two bento boxes into his hands. "Yours and Javi's. Be safe! Try not to mess around too much! Try not to get injured."

"I'll be fine," Yuzuru promised as he put the two boxes in his bag and waved to her, tugging on his hygiene mask over his nose and mouth. "See you later Mum!"

She watched him, a fond smile on her face as she saw her youngest all but dash out of the room and their apartment.

_Eighteen years ago, back home in Sendai, she walked into the rink with Saya all but bouncing around in front of her. Holding her hand and wrapped up in his coat and hat, was her son, looking very much like a baby penguin as he waddled along side her. As Saya laced up her skates and stepped out onto the ice, little Yuzuru tugged on his mother's hand._

_"Mama, I want to join Saya! Please?"_

_And, in that moment, when Yuzuru Hanyu first waddled onto the ice after his little sister, how on earth was anyone meant to know that the little child who looked very much like a baby penguin would go on to be as talented as he was._

"Hi Yuzu," Javier grinned at him, hands in the pockets of his thick coat to keep them warm, "you know exactly what I'm going to ask, don't you?"

"Yes," Yuzuru said with a smile, "and yes, I would like to build a snowman with you. But shouldn't you be worrying about Europeans?"

"Yeah, but," Javier shrugged, "you know me. I'm sure it'll be alright."

Yuzuru rolled his eyes but chuckled, nodding as he tugged his black scarf tighter around himself. Javier walked close to him and their hands brushed against each other's as they made their way along the snow covered street towards their beloved and familiar park. The pair of them started building their snowman in the familiar and comforting way that they always did. When they went to raise the snowball that Yuzuru had made up onto the ball Javier had made together, their fingertips brushed against each other. Both looked up and exchanged a glance over the top of the snowball before they quickly broke their eye contact, cheeks burning. They decorated their newly made snowman before they walked back to Yuzuru's house. Yuzuru nearly, nearly summoned up the courage to ask the question but, by the time he did, Javier was already walking away down the street.

January 2018

Javier didn't come knocking this year. Maybe the pressure of his final Olympics was getting to him, or maybe it was because Yuzuru was still using crutches most of the time to save his ankle as much as possible and wouldn't have been able to build a snowman with him the way they always did. Yuzuru instead looked out of the window of his room, staring at the crisp white blanket that covered the world outside his apartment. Part of him wished he could be there, hidden under a blanket of snow too. Sure, he'd basically gone into hiding during his recovery but it wasn't enough. His almost every move was being tracked, and he was only really safe at the club or at home.

"Yuzuru?" his mother asked quietly, "You've been looking out of the window for a while now. Is everything alright?"

"I miss training and I miss Javi," he mumbled, mostly to himself. It didn't go unnoticed by his mother, of course, who came over and gave him a hug

"I know," she said softly, rubbing his shoulders, "I know. They're coming up and you're getting worried that you can't do proper training, but you can do image training. I know you can. And you will be able to win the Olympics Yuzuru, I know you can."

"But I miss Javi," he said quietly, "cause we'd always try and build a snowman together, and--"

"I'm sure he's just worried about Europeans and about the Olympics too sweetheart." She kissed the crown of his head and she stroked her hair. "After the Olympics, everything will be easier. Then you can spend more time together, but everything right now is tense and you're both nervous. It's okay. Just show him that you're here for him and it'll be alright."

Yuzuru nodded, giving her a hug. She left him alone in his room, and he turned back to the window and bit his lip hard.

January 2019

With Javier only back for a few weeks to train for Europeans and Yuzuru recovering from his second ankle injury, Yuzuru didn't really expect the other to ask the question that they'd been asking for years. But, after training one day, as the pair sat there unlacing and cleaning their skates, Javier looked over at Yuzuru with a little lopsided smile laced with a little pain and regret.

"Yuzuru?"

The other looked up from where he'd been adjusting his Pooh soakers on his blades. "Yes?"

"One last time? For old time's sake?"

Yuzuru chuckled but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He accepted Javier's hand that was offered to him, helping him to stand up. Both of them stowed their skates away in Brian's office safely before they stepped out into the snow together.

This time it felt so different. Instead of building a snowman being a fun activity, instead it had become a melancholy and almost regretful event.

_I wish we'd done this more_

_I wish I'd told you the truth at the start_

_I wish you weren't going _

_I wish I could go with you_

"He looks good," Javier whispered as they stood together, surveying their handiwork outside the club. His fingers brushed against Yuzuru's and Yuzuru didn't pull away. Instead, he slipped his hand into Javier's and squeezed before he pulled away and let go.

"He does," Yuzuru whispered, "and you'll look good as the seven time European Champion. Good luck Javier."

Javier smiled at him with tears in his doe-like brown eyes. "Good luck to you too Yuzuru. Good luck."

The pair hugged, trying not to cry, and they only pulled apart when Yuzuru's mother drove into the car park.

January 2020

Another blanket of snow had covered Canada and Toronto. Yuzuru only really noticed it properly when he looked out of the club window and saw the thick layer of the snow. He stepped outside, took off his glove, and held out his hand to catch the flakes on his delicate fingers. They caught in his black beanie that Jun had bought for him as well as on his cheeks and eyelashes. The little flakes melted in his hand and on his finger tips, like the little shards of ice that he would wipe off the blades of his skates or throw in the middle of Haru yo Koi. A small smile spread across his cheeks as he watched the flakes melt in his palm.

"Hey, Javi, do you want to build a snowman with me?" He asked, turning around.

But there was no Javi standing beside him anymore.

_If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever ~ A.A.Milne. Winnie the Pooh_


End file.
